I’m back.  It’s been a while, but God laid something on my heart to write, so here it is.  I awoke this morning to a dream that I can’t recall, but the first thing that popped into my mind was the verse from Matthew that you will see if you make it to the end of this story….I drove to work, couldn’t get the verse out of my head, and God said write a story, so I did.  I hope it touches your soul.  I call it, The Passage.

I am walking.  I had been running, but what’s the use?  When you’re going no where, you will eventually get there regardless of how fast your legs are moving.  So today, I walk.

My feet are bare; dry and cracked.  Bleeding. The pain is trumped by the feeling in my throat.  I want to swallow, desperate for something to cover the nakedness of my throat. But there is nothing to swallow.  I can produce nothing to put out the fire of my overwhelming thirst. With a frail, raucous voice I call out to You, but again…nothing.  Even the sound of Your name seems bland and lifeless.  And in Your absence, my throat succumbs to the same wasteland in which I am walking….. Desolate.  Lifeless.

On this journey, words resonate through my mind.  Words…the only connection I feel like I have left; for no one can rob me of my thoughts.  Today, the word that pushes itself in front of all the others taking center stage is:  thirst.  I have never wanted anything more than this in my life.  Never knew I needed anything  this badly.  Never viewed it as vital as my own heartbeat.  Water.  The need to be quenched and full.

I keep walking.  Ahead I see it, and it’s beautiful.  Is it a farce?  A mirage in this lonely desert? Family and friends run through the hot sand to greet me, almost knocking me down.  I feel their hugs; give back every smile with one of my own. I crave their intimacy, the verbal and non-verbal communication, and the relational bond that can only come from those whom you allow in. I drink it down, so quickly I can feel my stomach expand increasingly with every gulp.  I’m still thirsty.

Beyond them, I see every possession my heart has ever desired.  Some are shiny and new, others belong to someone else…They beckon, and I run to them, leaving my relationships behind, eager to play with my new toys.  Still the sun beats down, my thirst screaming through my mind louder than ever.  So I drink.  I drink it all, sitting the cistern down to be refilled because I am not satisfied.  I am never satisfied.

Suddenly I see a countless number of emotions and feelings dropping from the sky; slowing down and hovering around me.  So inviting.  So seemingly fulfilling.  I reach out to touch the first one:  passion.  I feel its warmth sear through my fingertips and make its way up my arm; spilling throughout my whole body, creating a desire for more.  Just as I grasp at one, I long for another one and snatch it up with my free hand; fearful they will go away.  But wait…one is missing.  The one I long for the most hasn’t fallen.  I glance up, my eyes burning by the relentless rays of the sun but I don’t care.  I’ve got to have it.  Then I see it, here it comes, and it’s coming to me! Love. It falls and lands on the top of my head.  I can feel its affection and tenderness running down the back of my neck, covering my ears, and finally reaching my mouth.  Again, I drink.  I drink deeply.  I’m gulping as soon as it hits my tongue, tilting my head back, allowing it to run out of the corners of my mouth, and soaking my shirt.  I feel it pulsing throughout my whole body like the blood flowing from my tattered heart.  In that moment, I am filled with love.  But still I thirst….

Again, I start walking.

What seemed like hours passed, thought they were only moments.  Moments where time seems to check out for a bit. Stop.  Cease.  In that moment, I could feel my body emptying.  The memories of the relationships seeped out of my body like sweat coming from my pores.  I felt the sweat.  Running down my face, coating my body.  Dripping its salty moisture onto the possessions I longed for, causing them to rust and decay along with my selfishness.  The emotions I had felt earlier were now traded by thoughts of lust, rage, pride, and abandonment.  My poor, pitiful self had returned, determined to satisfy the thirst that so relentlessly had shown back up.

Suddenly a new emotion arrived:  hate.  A hate that resonated from a heart that had had enough. Enough mediocrity.  Enough pain and strife.  Enough of fighting a battle I could never win.  Enough loss…I hated that I couldn’t fill this thirst inside of me, and I was ready to stop fighting.  I could no longer do it.  I wasn’t good enough.  I needed help…

And there it was.

At first, I though it just another frail attempt at self preservation brought on by my imaginative mind and strong will.  But no, this was different.  In the distance it stood, as bold and brawny as a thousand trees.  It seemed to draw me in; like a magnet to the object of its affection.  I couldn’t walk anymore.  I had to run.  Run hard.  The peace came the moment I entered its shadow.  I wanted to hide there, stay hidden from the scorching sun in the healing shadow of that beautiful cross.  Truth washed over me and I immediately understood.  This thirst, this longing to be filled can only be pleased by what took place on it.  Death.  I had to die.  Die to myself and all that it entailed.

Many things died on that cross as Jesus hung there for me.  For you.  Brutality died so mercy could be born.  The law died so grace could be born.  Rage died so love could be born.  From everything that died on that cross, something else; something Godly, was born.  On that cross, death equals life.

I stood there alone with my thoughts.  I dropped to my knees in reverence for the One who hung there.  As the sun shifted through the hours, I too shifted.  I wanted nothing to take me out of that shadow.  Never again would I walk without the assurance of the cross before me.  Never again.

And then I realized….I wasn’t thirsty.  I was utterly alone, void of anything or anybody and I was as full as I had ever been in my entire life.  Jesus.  His death.  My death.  His life filling mine.  This is it….this is all….this is everything.  And it’s more than enough.

The things I now longed for were the things He longed for.  The relationships I would have were with those whom He wanted me to walk with.  The things I possessed were things He provided.  The feelings and security I had, came directly from a heart of purity and genuine motive.  All because of His glory and the furtherance of His Kingdom.  I thirst, He fills, I tell, and His name is made famous.

This is life…….Are you thirsty?

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.  Matthew 6:33

Do you live for this day, or do you live for that day?

It’s not often that I can sit through a church service or see something spiritual and honestly say it impacted me to a point of life changing.  Partially because we’ve watered  the phrase life changing experience down to something almost worldly; and it usually takes something pretty relevant for me to want to alter my life and bring something ‘new’ into it.  I’m not big into change…..

Recently, a friend of mine asked me to take a look at a DVD about stewardship…..not what we would typically think of when the word stewardship is mentioned, but rather God’s view of what we did with what we had while here on earth.  It was a skit that told the story of one man’s encounter with the Bema, or more traditionally known as the Judgment Seat of Christ.

Paul writes:  ⁶Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. ⁷We live by faith, not by sight. ⁸We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. ⁹So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. ¹⁰For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.   1 Corinthians 5:6-10 What is Paul saying in this passage?  He is basically telling the Corinth Christians that it would be much better to be in heaven with Jesus, but since they aren’t, that still doesn’t excuse the common goal of pleasing Him.  The motive for a Christian is to bring a smile to Jesus’ face (v.9), regardless of where we are…..

Now, hear me out, this isn’t a judgment where our sins get judged…Jesus already took care of that and they won’t even come into play.  This is the time where each Christian will give account for the things he or she did with what God gave them while they were still on earth.  This is where we get our crowns.  Our reward.  Where the bride of Christ will finally come face to face with the one who paid it all…Jesus.  This should be a time of great celebration….

This day = today        That day = Judgment day

On the sermon on the mount, Jesus said to store up treasures in heaven where moths and rust won’t destroy and thieves won’t steal.  We are going to be judged on what we placed in the heavenly realm, not what we gathered here.  That is the first thing we will be judged on.  Next, we will be judged on what we did with what we were given.  Did we take the skills, talents, resources, gifts, etc. and use them for Kingdom purposes? We will be evaluated on what we had, and what we did with it.  Lastly, we will be evaluated on our motives.  Scripture tells us that man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at our heart.  God wants to know why we did what we did.

To recap:  1. Treasures 2.Talents 3. Motives.

This realization has literally broken my heart as I think about all the time I have squandered on things of this world.  I have so much more to give.  I have so much more love to share.  I have so much more to do with my time.  And I long to do it for the glory of my Jesus.

One thing God really convicted me of today is the need to invest in people.  I want to love better and deeper.  I want to take the gifts God has blessed me with and use them to further the gospel with His people.  I want to teach the untaught.  I want to encourage the downtrodden.  I want to do this when no one is watching except for my God.  I want to love as Jesus loved and I want to be all about making a difference for that day.  Yes, I want to get those crowns…so I can give them right back to Him.

Create in me a clean heart, oh God.  And renew an steadfast spirit in me…Psalm 51:10

This entry was written the morning after my mom died.  This was the day after I had arrived in Paducah, and just a few hours before I was to be at the funeral home for the visitation.  I really didn’t feel like publishing it on the day I wrote it.  I can’t really explain why, I just didn’t want to.  Today, almost 8 weeks later, it’s still fresh and just as hard…but God is still good.  Today, I would have called mom and we would have gushed over the fact that LOST begins a new season tonight, and we would have made predictions about what would happen.  Afterwards we would have talked again and made predictions for next week.  I guess they won’t be showing LOST in heaven, so tonight, I’m on my own.  I can’t believe how much I miss her.

I just read my mom’s obituary.  I know my aunt wrote it because she still spells my name wrong.  She always adds an “e” at the end.  When I saw it, I smiled.

I wanted to write each day that I am here for several reasons.  One being the process of figuring this all out (whatever that means), and another, for the therapy of writing.  I have always read about or heard about people who write a book when they are healing from something traumatic.  I understand why.

Last night when I got here, I wanted to write, but I was so emotionally and mentally exhausted, there was no way that I could muster any co-herant thoughts that made any sense.  So, I opted for today.  I also wanted to make several blog entries for you, the reader, so that you wouldn’t be burdened with a long blog.

This morning, my dad and I had errands to run.  Hanging out with him and doing random things is usually one of the highlights of my visits.  Unfortunately, I can’t say that this morning was a good time.  Our first stop was the funeral home so that he could drop an un-godly amount of money.  Next, the florist.  Finally, we went to the graveyard; I actually saw the guys digging her grave as I looked over the property.  Surreal.

While at the funeral home, the lady told us that my mom was “ready”, would we like to see her before the viewing this afternoon.  My dad said that he wasn’t ready yet.  He needed my aunts to be there.  I actually jumped at the chance to have some time alone with mom (I’m a true quality timer).  So, as the lady took my hand and led me into Chapel B, she turned and said to me, “You look just like your mother”.  I replied that everyone says that, and that I hoped that people seeing me didn’t intensify the sadness.  By now, we were at the casket.  I asked the lady to give me a second.

This is what I wish would have happened:  I wish I would have looked at her and it would be like looking at a stranger.  I wish it didn’t look a thing like her so I could just pretend that this wasn’t really happening.  That didn’t happen.  She was beautiful…stunning actually.  You know why?  Because she is only 58 years old.  No wrinkles, no age spots on her face.  None of that…just a beautiful lady.  Inside and out.  So, there she lay, and there lay my confirmation.  My mom is gone.  And finally free and alive with Jesus Christ, and I couldn’t be happier for her.

I talked to her for a few minutes.  I felt the presence of God in that room and He assured me that He would take good care of her until I got there…I’m sure she is busy catching up with my grandmothers and telling Jesus that it was hard releasing her only daughter into his care when He called me into missionary service.  And by now, everyone loves her….because everyone sure did while she was here.

This is gonna sound weird, but as I said earlier, I am so happy for her.  She made it through this life and she made her peace with God.  For literally years, I have been praying for true healing for her body.  She has had health problems all her life…and God has finally answered those prayers…not as I would have liked, but He is giving me grace to accept it.  She is with Him, and she is finally feeling no pain and no stress.  No anxiety and no worry.  Yes, I’m extremely happy for her.

Well, I need to end for now.  Tonight, I hope to be the strong woman that my mom raised me to be.  I hope to fall into the arms of Jesus and allow those closest to me to hold me tight when it gets to be too much. And I hope to keep this heart of rejoicing as I think about how happy mom is….but I sure do miss her.

This morning I awoke with the desire to worship in my heart.  I wasn’t sure it would be there, as it was absent from me last week.  I realized something very profound as I stood with my church family, singing to Jesus.  This morning, I was worshiping with my mom.  She was singing praises to Him in heaven, and I was singing praises to Him here on earth.  It was a precious thought.  Then I realized that she was actually getting to bow down before Him and worship…literally.  For me, all I can do that even comes remotely close to that is bow down in my heart and try to clear my mind as I sing…but that doesn’t even come close to what she is getting to do.  For a minute, I was jealous.  But the Holy Spirit quietly spoke to me and said “soon”.

I will be flying back home to be with my family for Christmas on Saturday, the 20th.  Honestly, I haven’t been looking forward to it due to the sadness it will entail.  I know the sadness is part of all this, and it is healthy to be with my family, but being in the house without her there is very painful…but not nearly as painful as seeing the lack of hope in my fathers eyes.  I am so broken for him.  Right now, that seems to be the hardest part of this process; knowing that if God chose to take my dad today, I really would never see him again.  But, my hope endures that one day very soon, he will finally say yes to Jesus.  What a sweet day that will be.

This past week, I had a lot of time on my hands to think and ponder.  I came up with this:  Christmas does not have to be as bad as I first thought it would be.  Oh, it will definitely be a sad day, but here’s the deal…it still calls for a celebration.  We still have a birthday to celebrate, and that didn’t change because of mom’s death.  If I really pause to reflect on it, this Christmas may be the best one yet because for the first time, I actually have someone from my immediate family in the presence of God, handing over her crown filled with jewels to the Birthday Boy.  My eyes are welling up with tears just thinking about how happy she is right now, and how happy I am for her.  She is celebrating with my King.  Way to go, mom!

So, in closing…I will be trying with all I can muster to maintain a good attitude this Christmas season.  I know that keeping a good attitude means a lot of crying, hugs, talking, processing, and sadness; but it also means Hope.

Happy Birthday Jesus, give mom a hug for me, and tell her that I miss her with all that I am.

Peace and hope.

By now, if you know me, you know of my mother’s passing last Monday.  I have been writing all week and getting my feelings out through my fingers, but this is the first post I have decided to make public.

Community

First of all, I am literally floored by the love and support from friends and family that I have received.  I knew I had been blessed with many who love me, but the way God orchestrated conversations at just the right time was such a beautiful thing. Monday morning when I found out the news, within 10 minutes, I had friends here with me and text messages and phone calls came all day right up until I got on the plane.  After reaching Paducah, God still put people in place to hold me when I needed to be held, make me laugh when I needed to laugh, and lend me an ear when I needed to talk.  He is such a good God.

Strength

When I realized that God wanted me to come back to Houston and leave my family, I have to admit, I was angry.  It didn’t seem to make sense.  My dad is still not a believer, and he is hurting so badly.  Why would God take the closest thing (his only daughter) from him?  Today, I think I got the answer to that question.  God loves my dad more than I can even imagine; much more than I do.  He is closer to my dad right now, than He has ever been in his life.  My dad is undistracted, broken, hurting, and probably more ready to listen to truth than ever before.  I would never dream of robbing him of hearing from God, and my being there could possibly distract him.  Another thng I realized is the ministry that I have here didn’t end with my mom’s death.  I still have people here that need to see Jesus.  God didn’t disolve that responsibility. I have a career that allows me to make a difference in the lives of children, and college students that challenge me and allow me to “do life” with them.  I also have people that I consider family here in Texas, and they matter dearly to me.  I wouldn’t trade these things for the world.  These things, and the prayers of the saints make me strong.

Peace

On Tuesday night at the funeral home, I had to shake a lot of hands, meet several people I didn’t know, and receive a lot of hugs.  My mom knew a lot of people and the amount of people that came to pay their respects was such a blessing.  She really was a well liked, classy lady.  At one point in the night my aunt hugged me and told me how proud of me she was.  She said “you look so happy”.  At that I responded, “happy”?  I think she realized how that sounded because she immediately started explaining that she knew I was hurting but that it seemed like I was handling it so well….thus began the ministry opportunities.

Ministry

Its not that I am handling this well.  I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to grieve and mourn.  But what I am doing is what God said to do when you lose a loved one who is a believer…I am rejoicing for her. I am so happy for her right now.  She is expreiencing true worship.  She ate a real feast on Thursday.  She is finally healed and is feeling no pain.  She is reunited with my grandparents, and her sister. But the biggest thing that I am celebrating with her right now is that she is there waiting for me and I will see her very soon.  I got this vapor of a life with her, and now I look forward to having eternity with her. How can I not be happy about that?  If God and I had a conversation, there is no way I would ask for her back…that would be very selfish on my part….and very arrogant to even think that she would want to come back after experiencing all that she had experienced.  No, I wouldn’t ask that of God.  But I might ask for Him to give me just 15 minutes so that I could say goodbye and tell her I loved her one last time.

Opportunities

Over the last week, I have had many opportunities to share Jesus with my family and friends.  My prayer has been that they see Him through me, and want to have Him in their lives.  I pray that the legacy my mom left through me will lead many to Christ.  God used her life to lead me to the cross, and now I pray He uses her death to do the same.  If you have read this far, please lift up my dad because he doesn’t know the Christ or the peace that I do.  Pray that his heart is ready to receive the free gift God has for him and that the three of us can be united again in heaven.

Closure

Its really amazing that through something as shocking and tragic as this, God can still provide us with just enough grace.  I hope I haven’t given the impression through this post that I haven’t been sad…because I most certainly have/am.  I loved my mom so, so much.  I learned so much from her.  And as I said earlier, she was a big influence in my decision to follow Christ.  She always supported my decisions and I know that she was so very proud of me because she told me all the time.  She believed in me.  No, I definitely have times when the pain is so excruciating, I don’t know how I will make it.  Sometimes when I feel like I have no more tears to cry, here will come another batch….but still, I wouldn’t want to take from her the treasure she now has in Jesus…I am so proud of her.

Thanks for everything mom.  I love you and I will see you soon…..

Sometimes, coming up with these blog titles are just too easy.

I was reading a magazine today and the article was about electronic readers.  Namely, the Sony Reader and the Amazon Kindle. These devices have brought ideas into our heads such as, ‘maybe someday there will be no need for library’s or bookstores’.  Its no secret that technology has replaced so many things…home stereos have been replaced by MP3 players, encyclopedias and dictionaries have been replaced by the Internet, and satellite radios have replaced our favorite hometown stations…that being said, do books even have a chance?

The article really only praises these devices by calling them just another avenue to read books with, but in my opinion, its only a matter of time until we stop turning pages and staring at covers; wondering whats underneath.  Amazon is even experimenting with colleges….which is good news when you consider the cost of textbooks, but I can’t imagine not carrying a backpack full of books to class…weird.

I love to read, and I love books.  I love the way bookstores smell, and libraries as well.  There is just something about curling up with a good cup of coffee and a good book that just won’t compare to any electronic device.  I hope this step in technology takes a very long time to take….

By the way, I just completed a great book called The Hunger Games.  I highly recommend it.

Peace.

Eight days a week, I looooooove you. Eight days a week is not enough to show I care….Nothing inherent or philosophical, but powerful none the less.

Beginning May 17th, I started using Beatles songs to title all my blogs. I didn’t really think I would find a title for today’s entry; simply because I didn’t want the serious nature of what is on my heart to be overlooked. However, this song ties in nicely with what I want to say.

Yesterday in church, we sang a song called Hosanna. I looked around the room and saw hands in the air, and voices raised to God…it was a very typical site to behold if you attend my church. The only difference is that I couldn’t sing the words. Not because I felt sinful, or that I needed to repent of something..it wasn’t that kind of feeling. It was a feeling that if I sang them, they would be completely dishonest. The lyrics are as follows:

I see a generation, rising up to take the place with selfless faith,

with selfless faith. I see a near revival, stirring as we pray and seek

we’re on our knees, we’re on our knees.

If I really get honest with myself and with God, I have to say that I really don’t see these things. And it breaks my heart. You see, I am part of the generation that is supposed to be rising up with selfless faith. Let’s be honest. We are, and continuing to become a generation that is more me centered than any other that has come before us. Our infatuation with having things comfortable and fast have become so ‘normal’ that we can’t even see the wrong in it anymore. A near revival? Seriously? More like near judgement on us and our country, especially as I think about the upcoming election and the state of our economy. Maybe revival would be coming if we really did seek God. Just put everything else out of the way and really seek Him. Do we really even know what that means? Do we even know what that looks like? When is the last time we have been on our knees begging to see a glimpse of God for the sheer Majesty of Him and not just so He would meet a need? You know why Moses got a glimpse of Him? Or why Abram had a promise made to him that would change the world? Or why Noah was chosen for the daunting task of Ark builder? Because they were serious. They were of a generation that wanted God and would stop at nothing else. They wanted not His hands and what He could give them…they wanted His face. They just wanted Him. They could have sang that song yesterday morning with no personal conviction.

I am nothing more that a ragamuffin writer sharing this with you, the ragamuffin reader. I am no better or no worse, and this post isn’t a cynical reason to vent. Its coming from a heart that so desperately wants to cry out those words to Jesus and know they really are true. But today, I can’t.

I have the privilege of mentoring several young ladies in the college ministry. I know some of them will absolutely understand what I am saying. I was speaking to Leah last night about this burden and ironically, she said that song came on in her car the day before and she had the exact same thoughts. Maybe God is trying to tell us all something. Maybe He really wants our love Eight days a week.

Peace.

]]> http://tammimallory.wordpress.com/2008/10/06/eight-days-a-week/feed/ 8 Tammi http://tammimallory.wordpress.com/2008/09/14/twist-and-shout/ http://tammimallory.wordpress.com/2008/09/14/twist-and-shout/#comments Sun, 14 Sep 2008 17:50:11 +0000 Tammi http://tammimallory.wordpress.com/?p=226 ]]>

I hate that I am writing a post about Ike because I know I will be one of the many trying to “recap” the events…hopefully this post will leave the melodrama out of it and what I hope the reader to see will be seen clearly…

I chose to stay in my apartment and experience my first hurricane.  The actual storm hit around midnight and I had already gone to bed.  As I lay in bed, I could hear the roof creaking and popping.  I could see the mini blinds moving as the wind on the other side caused the glass to shake and vibrate.  I finally put in ear plugs to block out the noise, but that did nothing for the shaking and vibration of my bed.

As I laid there I realized that on the other side of that window was utter chaos.  The wind was doing things to the trees that i had only seen on tv.  If I had simply stepped out on my balcony, I would have chanced getting blown off.  But there I lay.  I was safe in the walls of my apartment. Nothing was harming me and the stress and chaos of what was happening outside could not harm me…..unless I made a poor choice and opened the window, or walked outside.   This is no different compared to the spiritual battle that we are surrounded by every moment of our lives. The chaos is all around us because of Satan and the sin that haunts us daily.  If we choose to open that window and peek out, or even crack open the door to see what is going on, the enemy can get a foothold and have his way as subtly as the wind.  Like that wind, we can’t actually see it, but its harm is still there…the enemy does things to harm us in seemingly small ways, but ultimately it can result in our destruction.  If we stay in the hands of Jesus, he will, like the walls of my apartment, protect us from what is going on all around us.

As I drove around today looking at the damage caused by the wind, I am reminded of people in my life who have opened the window or stepped out into the storm just to “check things out”.  What seemed harmless has lead to pain and destruction in many of their lives…I am not immuned to this, but hopefully what I have learned through my mistakes will help point others to the true source of peace.  Jesus.

Thanks Ike for reassurring me that He really does have the whole world in His hands…especially my world.

Peace.

I just came off of a very bad weekend.  Very bad indeed.  It actually started immediately after leaving Ethiopia, and has catapulted into a spiritual attack that I can hardly bear…This weekend, amidst the tears, prayer, pleading with God, and encouragement from mentors and friends who are fighting with me, I felt some rest and peace today.  Its not nearly over, but the peace was much needed.

I’m not a bit surprised, and actually expected it.  I just came off an amazing summer, am really being used and influential in the college ministry, am planning for phase two of the ESL trip for next summer, have stepped into a different job with more hurts and needs, and I am basically pretty content with my life.

If you read this, and you know me, I could use some prayer right now.  Thanks a lot…now to the fun part of this blog:

Tomorrow I hit what many call the half way point in life…its my 40th earthly birthday (but i’m only 19 spiritually ).  I gotta admit, its nothing like I thought it would be and I think people make way too big of a deal about it.  Its actually pretty cool to be able to look back on my life and see all that has happened, at such a young age.  Through the bumps and potholes of my barely traveled road, I have been fortunate enough to pick up some things and I thought I would share….

• Age is really a state of mind.  I feel no differently than I did when I turned 20.
• It is very important to figure out who you are, and be that person.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.
• I serve a God of second, third, forth, fifth, INFINITY, chances.  And He loves me in spite of me.
• I now give advise and wisdom based on life experiences and the Word of God, not opinion and what I think.
• The older I get, the more I realize that I don’t have it all together, and I’m strangely ok with it….
• All Hawaiians don’t surf.  Its a myth…But they do all eat Spam.
• I apparently don’t look my age.  I’m not sure why this is, but I have heard it said, and even read in the Bible lately, that lack of stress and the seeking of wisdom will help in the age process…and I laugh a lot too.
• Life isn’t about me, nor is it about you.  Deal with it and move on.  Let God be God and give Him his deserved glory.
• At some point, parents revert back to children and seemingly forget the simple things they need to do, thus relying on their adult children to remind them and take care of things.
• Be careful what you wish for, it just might come true.
• China smells bad.  Flat out, no excuses, the country stinks…but I still have a soft spot for Chinese people and will go back if God says to.
• God uses me to do things I would have never dreamed possible 20 years ago.  He will use you too if you let Him.
• Letting Him means you have to give up your rights.  You really have no rights so that shouldn’t be very hard to do…
• I always shuttered to think that my missions work would take me to Africa.  I was scared.  Now I can’t wait to get back there.

Yes, tomorrow I enter another chapter…phase…realm…whatever you want to call it, of my journey.  Its been fun so far, even the really stupid choices and the bad seasons have made me the woman of God that I am today.  Even though there is huge room for improvements, I am looking forward to seeing what God does next.

Maybe I should have called this post “what a long strange trip its been….”

Peace, and may you grow old gracefully

My, my, my…how this summer has flown by. Next week, I will begin in-service and the following week the kids will be back. I will be just as nervous as they will be because I will be at a new school, in a new position. I will be 9th grade Campus Support Specialist for GPHS…sounds fancy…but its really not. I get to help struggling readers become better, and hopefully pass their TAKS test. I also get to mentor and help the four English teachers…as I see it, this is all in preparation for what God is doing in Ethiopia. He just happens to be training me in America…for now

Today I sent out a mass e-mail to a lot of people. People I grew up with, served with, went to seminary with, and worked with. Its funny how God puts people in your life for purposes undenounced to us, for the furthering His Kingdom. I don’t stay in constant contact with many of these people, yet they (we) still can work together for advancing the gospel….I find that very cool.

Knowing that I will be returning to Ethiopia in what is now less than a year away has put a since of urgency on me. I am studying religions that are dominant in the areas in which we frequent, hoping to gain a better understanding on how to minister in love to these people. I am also waiting on God to provide the means in which I can purchase some CD’s and DVD’s that will teach me the Amharic language…all in His timing, but I am ready to learn!

I don’t think I have ever began support raising this early before a trip, but again, the urgency God has placed on my heart is great, and I really feel the timing is right….please join me as I pray for these Ethiopian people; those I have already met, and those I have not. Pray too for those who I have contacted here in America…pray that they, through my words, pictures, and e-mails, can somehow experience the love and join me in this movement….

Peace.